What the heck has happened to manners? Did they just disappear? If not, they certainly are taking a hiatus! I am simply amazed by the language and lack of manners that is predominate in our society these days. Why, even famous people, athletes, and politicians don't mind being crude, blunt, and to the point of being obtusely rude with foul language and lack of civility!
Growing up in the Deep South, we were taught to be gentlemen by our parents. Every question and answer was started or finished with a "Yes Sir" or "Yes Ma'am." It was a given that we use magic words like "Please," followed by a "Thank You." To this day I still open doors for ladies, and assist an elderly or handicapped person if allowed too.
Do you have manners? If so, who taught you? If you seem to have a lack of them, there's no time like the present to correct that deficiency. Even Dear Abby started a campaign years ago with her simple booklet on "Good Manners."
Where Did the Respect Go?
While we don't want to blame everything on our education system, there is a total lack of respect for teachers and administrators in our schools. If we look at society, we can trace some of this downfall to our family units over the past 30-40 years. With both parents working and children becoming "latch-key" kids, there exists growing lack of parental responsibility to the effect that we now have disrespectful adults raising disrespectful kids, compounding the challenge. What are these kids exposed to for poor influence? Well for one thing, popular music with incredibly foul language and explicit sex acts described, and what's on TV isn't much better.
What's the cure? I might be so bold as to describe why my single mother was successful raising three boys by herself. The answer was "structured activity," plain and simple. If we were not at baseball practice, we were at band rehearsal, and if not that, we were at Boy Scouts, and if not that, we were at church doing activities with our youth group, if not that, we were at the library checking out books to read. In other words, we didn't have time to get in trouble. All the time we were subjected to male and female role models where respect and good manners were reinforced.
Fred Astaire once said "The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any."
Today, manners are lacking simply because they are not expected, nor taught, at many levels of interaction by people. Where is the civility? Where are the manners?
Expectations by those of us who have manners are a challenge as we go out among the masses.
The Simple Rules of Civility
The short list of good manners:
- Please and thank you, excuse me
- Chew food with your mouth closed
- Cover your face when you sneeze
- Hold the door when someone is close to you entering/exiting the same place
- Avoid talking too much or constantly interrupting
- Correct mistakes politely with positive reinforcement
- My favorite... never bring yourself down to the level of the rude person but also never take any abuse - stand up for yourself
Of course, we love manners here at American Retirement Advisors. We say "Please let us help you" and "Thank you for your business" dozens of times a day!!
We're here to help!
By David Edge
David Edge is a retirement lifestyle writer and contributor to the ARA monthly newsletter. His articles blend personal stories with practical insights on living well in retirement.
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Easy Eddie's Take
David's point about good manners really hits home, especially when you're dealing with important life decisions like retirement planning. Think about it - when you're working with healthcare providers during Medicare Annual Open Enrollment (October 15 through December 7 each year), or meeting with Social Security Administration representatives about your benefits, those "please" and "thank you" interactions make all the difference. I see this all the time with clients navigating Medicare Advantage plans versus Medicare Supplement insurance - the folks who approach these conversations with courtesy and respect tend to get much better service and clearer explanations of their coverage options.
Here's something most people don't realize: good manners actually help you make better financial decisions in retirement. When you're respectful and patient with customer service representatives at companies like Fidelity, Vanguard, or Charles Schwab, they're more likely to take extra time explaining your 401(k) rollover options or helping you understand required minimum distributions once you reach age 73. The same goes for working with Medicare representatives - a polite approach when asking "Can I change my Medicare Supplement plan anytime during the year?" usually gets you a thorough, helpful response rather than a rushed one.
A little courtesy today can save you thousands in healthcare costs and retirement planning mistakes tomorrow.