Hurricanes, wildfires, flooding, and snowstorms, or just an everyday auto accident or health issue are all serious events and situations; if one or more have touched you, how you dealt with them makes you...you.
When dealing with the experience, remember that everyone has their own timetable when dealing with emotions or grief. Also, not everybody reacts the same. Whatever worked for someone else might not work for you. We are all unique in handling tragedy or loss. Your feeling of loss can, in some instances, be pre-grief expressions, like when you are losing a close family member to dementia or illness. As they begin not to know who they are or who you are, in this sense, your grief is because you've already lost them.
Sometimes, you just need someone to listen to you talk through your emotions when coping. Your go-to person might be a religious leader, a best friend, a close relative, or a co-worker. You want someone who understands.
Finding Ways to Remember and Cope
To help you cope, try remembering a positive or wonderful memory from your past instead of focusing alone on the tragedy or loss. Recently, a friend was mourning the loss of their house by fire. They lived in their home for 34 years. Another friend was dealing with the loss of their spouse of 25 years. One way to deal with their emotions was to ask friends to take photos or share a wonderful memory of their loved one at a "remember when" party where everyone told wonderful stories about her loved one. Folks gave her an unexpected gift by sharing beautiful things about her spouse she never knew. My other friend replaced his lost home with a new home ready to fill with new memories.
Don't be alone when dealing with serious events. Even if you don't feel like it, go out. Attend your regular church services, spend time with friends, attend a sports game or go to the theater. Do things that you usually would have done before the loss or tragedy. While these self-care activities won't make the loss any less, they are a coping tool while dealing with your emotions and continue to keep you...you.
By David Edge
David Edge is a retirement lifestyle writer and contributor to the ARA monthly newsletter. His articles blend personal stories with practical insights on living well in retirement.
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Easy Eddie's Take
David's advice about staying connected really hits home, especially for folks in retirement who might already be dealing with significant life changes. Loss becomes more common as we age, whether it's losing a spouse, close friends, or facing our own health challenges. The good news is that there are specific resources designed to help older adults through these difficult times.
Many people don't realize that Medicare Advantage plans and Medicare Supplement plans often include mental health counseling benefits that can help with grief counseling and emotional support. The Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services expanded these benefits in recent years. If you're dealing with the loss of a spouse, you'll also want to know that Social Security survivor benefits can provide crucial financial support, and the Social Security Administration has specific procedures for notifying them of a death and applying for survivor benefits.
One question I hear a lot is "How do I handle all the financial changes after losing my spouse?" That's where having a support team really matters. A little preparation today, like keeping important documents organized and having trusted advisors in place, can make those difficult transitions much easier to manage when the time comes.