Yes. Name one person who will step in and coordinate for the family, and name a backup.
Our family meeting guide calls that person your steward. Then it asks you to do one more thing, and it's the part that's easy to skip. Ask them, out loud: "Will you do it?"
What is a family steward?
The guide describes it in one line: the one person who will step in and coordinate for the family.
That's the whole description. There's no list of duties, and the guide doesn't tell you who it should be. That choice belongs to your family.
Is the steward a legal role?
No. The guide says it plainly: the steward is a family role, not a legal one.
An attorney drafts the documents. The family meeting makes sure your family knows they exist and that they work. It isn't legal work, and nobody signs anything.
Why do you have to ask?
Because a name on a line is your decision. A yes is theirs.
The guide has a short list on the same page as the steps. It's titled "If you only talk about three things," and the second item is four words long:
"Your steward says yes."
It doesn't say your steward is named. It says your steward says yes. You may already know who you'd pick. Until you've asked, though, you've only assumed.
How do you ask?
The guide hands you the words. Name your steward and a backup, then ask out loud:
"Will you do it?"
That's the third of the guide's five steps. You open with why, you show them where everything is, and then you name your steward and ask. The guide says to do it while everyone is together. I walked through all five steps in Could Thanksgiving be your family meeting?
Why does the guide ask for a backup?
The guide's "After the meeting" page has blanks to fill in. Two of them are "Our steward" and "Our backup steward."
The guide doesn't give a reason for the second blank, and it doesn't say what to do if someone says no. It asks you to name both, and it asks you to ask.
Should you tell them the question is coming?
The guide doesn't say. It says to ask out loud, while everyone is together. Whether to give your steward a heads-up first is your family's call.
That's the disagreement Eddie and Betty, the hosts of our podcast, have in the episode that goes with this article. They're getting ready for their own family meeting this Thanksgiving. Eddie has already penciled their daughter's name into the steward blank. Betty asks him whether either of them ever asked her. Neither of them had.
Eddie wants to ask at the meeting, with everyone there. Betty doesn't want their daughter put on the spot. Where they land: the question gets asked out loud at the meeting, and beforehand Betty tells their daughter only that they have something to ask her. A real yes is welcome. So is "let me think."
What can you do tonight?
Start small. Write down the name you'd pick, and a backup, in pencil. Under the names, write the four words: "Will you do it?"
Then leave the names in pencil until you've asked.
Where can you get the family meeting guide?
Everyone in the room at this month's Fiscal Fridays goes home with it. Fiscal Fridays is my dad's live monthly show at the American Retirement Advisors studio in Scottsdale. It's an educational talk show, and this month's theme is the family meeting.
It's Friday, November 20, six days before Thanksgiving. Doors open at 10:00 AM Arizona time for coffee, and the show starts at 10:30 AM Arizona time. There's no cost. You can save a seat on the Fiscal Fridays page.
For education only. Not legal or tax advice.
Disclaimer: The information in this article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute tax, legal, or investment advice. Tax laws change frequently, and individual circumstances vary. American Retirement Advisors does not provide tax or legal services. Before making any tax-related decisions, consult a qualified CPA, tax attorney, or financial planner who can evaluate your specific situation.